PARENTAL ALIENATION: SUBTLE AGGRESSION

The term "parental alienation" has been tossed around for years.  In New Jersey however, it is not a formally recognized cause of action.   As recently as 2014 the New Jersey Appellate Division reversed a trial court for basing a custody determination on eight Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) criteria that the trial judge drew from literature and non-expert testimony, rather than from reliable scientific data accepted within the scientific community.  To date, PAS remains a novel concept and is the subject of ongoing controversy.  

Custody in New Jersey is determined by consideration of the statutory factors set forth in N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, which includes factors relating to the parents' ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child; as well as the fitness of each parent.  As such, conduct often considered to be "alienating" could be considered by the Court in relation to these and other factors when making a custody decision

The worst part about parental alienation is its subtlety.  It is rarely obvious, at least at first, and by the time the target parent realizes it is happening, the damage may have already been done.  Alienating conduct can come in many forms and is essentially defined as improperly involving the children in the divorce or custody dispute.  Examples include:

• Telling the children that you give all of your money to the other parent so you can't buy them anything;
• Telling the children to ask their other parent to buy them what they want because you cannot afford it;
• Portraying yourself as a victim in front of your children which causes them to feel they need to protect you from the other parent; or
• Empowering the children to make decisions they should not be making (such as by giving them an apparent choice of whether to visit with mommy or daddy) and then saying you are abiding by their decision.

These actions put the children in an emotional and psychological tug of war between the parents and within themselves to pick a side.  Parents who engage in this behavior are more likely trying to control or hurt the other parent.  But the harm inflicted upon the children should not be underestimated.  Further, while we often consider parental alienation in the context of young children, it can be just as damaging to older, nearly grown children.  

Bottom line... your children have no business being exposed to your divorce woes.    

For more information I can be reached at 609-601-6600 or spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com.  Visit my Facebook page:  www.facebook.com/StephanieAlbrechtPedrick.Esq