Code of the Ring: Who Keeps The Engagement Ring?

Its a centuries old question, the answer to which has evolved over time:  Who gets to keep an engagement ring if the engagement is broken? 

First, a mini history lesson: In ancient Rome the rule on the issue was fault based.  When the woman broke the engagement, she was required to return both the ring and its value as a penalty.  No penalty would attach if the man broke the engagement.  In ancient England, women were oppressed by the rigid social order of the day.  They worked as servants, or if not of the servant class, they were dependent on their relatives.  Men were in short supply and marriage above one's "station" or social class was rare.  Most often, marriages were arranged.  Women either married or became nuns.  Because men were much more likely to break an engagement and leave the woman behind with a tainted reputation and ruined prospects, the woman was permitted to keep the ring as a sort of consolation prize.  If the man was jilted, rare though it was, he was entitled to keep the ring.

As the law developed in modern culture, different theories emerged.  Many states in our country retained the fault based theory, but eliminated the "value penalty"; if the woman broke the engagement, she must return the ring; if the break up was the fault of the man, the woman kept the ring.  A few states, including New Jersey, take a minority view; that is, an engagement ring is a symbol or pledge of the coming marriage and signifies that the one who wears it is engaged to marry the man who gave it to her.  If the engagement is broken, the ring must be returned since it was a conditional gift.  The law implies a condition because of the symbolic significance of the ring.  It does not matter who broke the engagement.  The reality is, the gift was conditional (that a marriage would follow) and when the condition is not fulfilled, the symbolic gift should be returned.

But what happens when the parties do marry, but decide to divorce one, two or twenty years later?  That's an easy answer: the ring was a conditional gift and the condition was fulfilled when the marriage took place.  The woman keeps the ring.

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Best,

Stephanie