Co-parent or Parallel-parent: What style fits you?

Divorced or separated parents come in all shapes and sizes, ages, races and socio-economic backgrounds.  But they all either get along, or don't. 

In thinking about this issue, I came across a great article Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting: Which Approach Is Best for Your Family?  The article explains that parents who can get along with their ex are often very successful as "co-parents".  They communicate with eachother in a non-confrontational way, they are flexible with eachother as plans change, and they support eachother in enforcing rules or punishments.  In short, they work together for the benefit of their children.

Ideally, all parents would co-parent and we would all live happily ever after.  But the real world is full of conflict and tension, especially between exes.  Children of these parents still need the support of both parents and the parents still probably want the best for their children; albeit in a different style than their ex.  Co-parenting does not work for these high-conflict parents.  Instead, "Parallel parenting" is a better choice.     Parallel parenting plans must be highly structured and detail oriented.  A back-up or "Plan B" is a good idea in the event of unforeseen circumstances such as changes in a parent's schedule on any given day.  The goal of parallel parenting is to support the disengagement of the parents so that there is less opportunity for conflict and resulting emotional harm to the children.  Rules should be established such as curb-side drop-off, neutral location drop-off or email-only communication. 

As the children grow and mature, parenting plans will need to be modified to accommodate changes in routine and school obligations.  Hopefully in the meantime,  parents can establish a workable parenting plan or style conducive to their level of tension with their ex.

For more information and to schedule a consultation I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  I would also encourage you to Like my professional  Facebook page for informative posts regarding family law or guardianship issues.

Have a great weekend!

Stephanie