Spring Training for Family Law

Family Law issues are rife with emotional highs and lows.  Whether you are in an unsatisfying relationship, need an increase in child support, or are trying to figure out how you and your ex will pay for your children's college expenses; family issues are usually always stressful.  Changes in your everyday routine can exacerbate that stress.  The holiday season is an obvious example of when our routines are shaken up.  But even seemingly innocuous changes in life, like the change in seasons, can cause increased tension.  Here are six tips to help you get through it, and prepare for action.

1.  First of all, make a resolution.  We typically think of New Year’s Resolutions, but the Spring season is a time of new beginnings.  We observe it every year when we begin to hear birds chirping in the morning, or when the crocuses start popping through the soil.   Spring is the start of new sports; our kids put away their football cleats and dig out the lacrosse sticks, and our favorite baseball team starts "spring  training".   So start your own "spring training"; set a goal to get out of a bad relationship or file a motion to modify support.  It can be a very empowering decision.  It can be your New Beginning.  

2.  Start gathering documents.  Your attorney will need bank statements, your last tax return, 3 paystubs from each party and information on utility bills, mortgage or rent payments.  

3.  Determine your goal.  Do you want primary physical custody of your children?  Do you want to remain in the  marital home?  Do you need more child support because you lost a job?  Have a primary goal and a secondary goal. 

4.  Talk it out.  Talk to a friend, clergy member or counselor.   Being able to vent your feelings can help you focus on what you really want.  You must be able to calmly express yourself to your lawyer.

5.  Retain an attorney.  Ask friends for recommendations and then schedule a consultation (or two).  You need to feel comfortable with your lawyer.  The essence of a lawyer/client relationship is trust.  If you feel comfortable with and trust your lawyer, you will more than likely be happy with the end results.

6.  Last but not least, take care of yourself.  Now that the weather is getting nicer, go outside and get some fresh air; get a manicure or have dinner with a friend; play a pick-up game with your buddies or grab a beer after work.  It’s okay to laugh and have fun, even when you’re going through a difficult time.

Take some silent pleasure when you hear those birds in the morning.  Its nature's message to you -- start spring training and be responsible for your own "New Beginning".

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.   For interesting posts and helpful links, "Like" my professional Facebook page. 

Best,

Stephanie

Co-parent or Parallel-parent: What style fits you?

Divorced or separated parents come in all shapes and sizes, ages, races and socio-economic backgrounds.  But they all either get along, or don't. 

In thinking about this issue, I came across a great article Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting: Which Approach Is Best for Your Family?  The article explains that parents who can get along with their ex are often very successful as "co-parents".  They communicate with eachother in a non-confrontational way, they are flexible with eachother as plans change, and they support eachother in enforcing rules or punishments.  In short, they work together for the benefit of their children.

Ideally, all parents would co-parent and we would all live happily ever after.  But the real world is full of conflict and tension, especially between exes.  Children of these parents still need the support of both parents and the parents still probably want the best for their children; albeit in a different style than their ex.  Co-parenting does not work for these high-conflict parents.  Instead, "Parallel parenting" is a better choice.     Parallel parenting plans must be highly structured and detail oriented.  A back-up or "Plan B" is a good idea in the event of unforeseen circumstances such as changes in a parent's schedule on any given day.  The goal of parallel parenting is to support the disengagement of the parents so that there is less opportunity for conflict and resulting emotional harm to the children.  Rules should be established such as curb-side drop-off, neutral location drop-off or email-only communication. 

As the children grow and mature, parenting plans will need to be modified to accommodate changes in routine and school obligations.  Hopefully in the meantime,  parents can establish a workable parenting plan or style conducive to their level of tension with their ex.

For more information and to schedule a consultation I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  I would also encourage you to Like my professional  Facebook page for informative posts regarding family law or guardianship issues.

Have a great weekend!

Stephanie

Trick or Treat?

Halloween will be here before you know it.  Many  kids have already snagged the Party City catalog to scan the costume selection.  If your kids are like mine, they've changed their mind on their costume three times already!  Single or divorced parents may often wonder if their children would ever be able to come to their neighborhood on trick-or-treat night.  Until recently, New Jersey's Court Holiday Parenting Schedule did not include a provision for Halloween; but now it does. 

The Court's Holiday Parenting Schedule in Vicinage 1 (Atlantic & Cape May County) includes a provision for  Halloween Trick-or-Treat, and states:

"Each parent shall have the child(ren) for trick or treat purposes as scheduled in their community.  If the parents live in the same community or if the communities have designated the same date and time for trick or treat, then the parents shall alternate on a year by year basis, with Father having child(ren) on odd years and Mother having child(ren) on even years."

With the addition of this spooky provision, each parent can take their child trick-or-treating in their own neighborhood.  In the event of a conflict, then the parents must alternate depending on the year. 

It is important to note that the revised Court Holiday Parenting Schedule only applies to parenting plans put into effect after April 1, 2015.  Parenting plans effective prior to that date should follow their existing schedule.  Of course, parents can always agree to modify the holiday schedule to meet their own needs and those of their children.  If you can, consider adding this Halloween provision to your agreement.  I'm sure we all agree.... kids can never have too much candy!  (wink, wink)

For more information on custody, support or divorce issues, schedule an appointment.  I can be reached at spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com and 609-601-6600.

For daily informational posts on family law and guardianship issues, like my Facebook page.

Happy Haunting! 

 

Stephanie