It's Your Divorce, Not Theirs

When you get divorced, its only natural for your friends or family members to lend "support" by giving advice regarding everything from picking the right lawyer to whether you should get to keep the the bedroom furniture or the coffee table.  The problem however, is that friends and family members have no business putting their well-meaning nose into your divorce.  They might think they are helping, but they're not.  

The attached article from blogger Marc Baer with The Huffington Post   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-baer/when-divorcing-beware-of-_b_7876508.html explains that divorcing people tend to attract well-meaning friends, relatives and bystanders who think they should offer advice on how to manage the divorce.  The common result, unfortunately, is to fuel conflict, panic and aggression in the divorcing person which prolongs the divorce and complicates the resolution process.

The job of a divorce or family lawyer is to clearly explain the law and how it relates to the facts of a client's case, and then use the law to advocate for what the client wants, provided that goal is within the range of what's fair.   The job or your friends and family is to listen, offer encouragement and provide companionship both during and after the divorce.

For more information, I can be reached at 609-601-6600 and spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com 

Best,

Stephanie Pedrick  

Emancipation Proclamation

Emancipation in the child support world is either a day of great relief or a day of dread depending upon which side of the equation you sit.  Are you the child support payor?  Then you likely have been eyeing that light at the end of the tunnel for years.  If you are the payee however, you're probably dreading the loss of that financial contribution.

As I tell my payor clients, you have the right to seek emancipation of your child.  Do not feel guilty.  You have supported your child as you were legally obligated to do, and now it is time for that child to help support his or herself.  After all, it's not as though you will never buy your child another lunch or dinner.  Most parents will continue to assist their children even after emancipation.  Let's be honest, most of us have an elderly parent who still wants to help out financially occasionally.  And if you are the payee, well, again; as I tell my clients, child support technically belongs to the child.  And when that child has grown and become his or her own person, it is time for the support to end. 

The big question obviously is when?  When is it appropriate to seek emancipation?  In New Jersey, parents are required to contribute to the support of their children until they have "moved beyond the realm of parental influence".  That's a fancy way of saying that they are capable of supporting themselves.  As long as a child is still in school - usually until they have received an undergraduate degree, child support will continue.  Attendance at a trade school would also apply.  A child who graduates high school and does not pursue any additional education will need to seek employment.  He or she cannot  just sit on the couch all day, nor can they take a year off to explore the world and expect their parent to continue to pay child support.

The facts of each case are different.   The status of your local economy can also impact the court's decision.  Failure to look for a job is different than failing to find a job.  If a child is still truly dependant on his or her parents for support then a court may consider such facts in deciding the motion.

Talk with an attorney for more information and a professional opinion on the facts of your case.  I can  be reached at 609-601-6600.

Best,

Stephanie

The Difference between Power of Attorney and Guardianship

There are times in our lives when we rely on our parents, become a parent, or need "parental" oversight.  When we are young, our parents protect us, teach us, play with us and help us grow.  When we become a parent, we do these things for our own children.  And when our parents become older, we are often called upon to take a parental role in their lives.  Sometimes our parents ask us for help; other times, we must initiate legal action to allow it.

Parents of disabled children often must continue their parental role, even after their "child" reaches the age of 18.  Many are surprised to learn that they cannot legally conduct their adult disabled child's affairs without obtaining guardianship.

Many people have heard the term "Power of Attorney", but few really know what it means.  It sounds so formal, almost regal.  But in reality, it is simply a document that grants authority in another to conduct business and affairs that we would do for ourselves, if we were able.  For instance, a person could suddenly be injured in an accident that leaves them unable to pay their bills or manage their affairs.  The Power of Attorney that that person executed will go into effect and allow their agent (friend, adult child, etc.) to pay bills, have access to bank accounts, manage, buy or sell real estate, or negotiate other business on their behalf.  The key is that the Power of Attorney was executed before the person became ill or incapacitated. 

So what happens if a person never executed such a document but becomes injured, or starts showing signs of dementia or Alzheimer's?  It is too late for a Power of Attorney; once a person becomes incapacitated, they lack the legal standing to draft a Will, Power of Attorney or other legal document.  A Guardianship action is now the only answer.  In simple terms, a Power of Attorney is voluntary; a Guardianship is involuntary.

We all know someone who was tragically hurt, or whose parent is failing, physically and mentally.  They aren't taking care of themselves, the bills are not getting paid, or they are putting trust in strangers who are taking advantage of their vulnerable status.  When these things happen, it is time to seek Guardianship.   Similarly, when children with developmental disabilities reach the age of 18, their parents must initiate a guardianship action so that they may  legally make decisions for their adult child.  

A Guardianship essentially strips the "incapacitated person" of their freedom and independence; that which our Constitution stands to protect.  As a result, courts take guardianship actions very seriously and will not appoint a guardian for another unless it is clear that the individual is incapacitated to the extent that they are unable to manage their affairs.  A Guardianship requires the testimony or certification of at least two physicians who have examined the individual and opined that the person lacks the ability to care for him or herself or the capacity to understand the consequences of their actions.  The Court will also appoint an attorney to represent the alleged incapacitated person to conduct an independent inquiry into the person's mental and physical condition, as well as interview and evaluate the person seeking guardianship to ensure there is no mal-intent.  The attorney will report to the court on whether the alleged incapacitated person truly needs a guardian, and whether the proposed guardian will take appropriate care of the incapacitated individual and honor the incapacitated person's wishes and desires as best as possible.    It is a process that is certainly more expensive than a Power of Attorney, and can take 6-12 weeks, on average, to complete.

The best advice is to prepare a Power of Attorney while you are still mentally and physically healthy.  This will permit your family or friends to care for you and your affairs immediately in the event you become incapacitated.  For parents of disabled children, see a lawyer in advance so you are prepared to establish guardianship when your child turns 18. 

For more information, I can be reached at 609-601-6612 or spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com.  I look forward to working on your behalf.

Stephanie Pedrick

Celebrating a Child's Graduation As a Divorced Parent

Its that time of year... graduation season.  When your child is graduating; whether from high school or college, you are likely to experience tension or stress in experiencing this milestone with your Ex.  Don't let your feelings, past or present, toward your Ex get in the way of your joy for your child.  Here are some simple tips for getting through the event with your emotions intact:

1.  Take the initiative and contact your Ex in advance:  If you know your Ex or soon-to-be-ex will be attending the graduation or celebratory event, see if you can agree not to discuss the divorce or any emotionally charged issues such as financing for college, or who was there for all the late-night projects during school.  Chances are, you've already argued these issues ad nauseam, or you'll have plenty of time to iron out the details of the issue later.  Just agree to grin and bear it.   Put a smile on your faces for your kid's sake.

2.  Reassure your Child of your well-being.   Parents often pretend that their kids don't know about their resentful feelings toward the Ex; but the reality is, all too often, the kids have heard the snide remarks or have felt the animosity.  Don't let your kids think they shouldn't celebrate because it might cause you angst.  Take the time to quietly reassure them that they have a right to be proud, a right to be happy and a right to expect family to peacefully celebrate with them.

3.  Respect the unexpected Guest.  If your Ex has a new spouse or partner, its natural to feel uncomfortable.  But if your former spouse wants to bring along their new partner, you really don't have the authority to say no.  Going solo can feel isolating, so bring along a friend or other relative to stand by your side to help you feel more secure.

4.  Celebrations big and small:  If a graduation party is being planned, try to negotiate a neutral location to eliminate any perceived "home turf" advantage.  Ideas include restaurants, banquet halls or parks.  If that isn't feasible, then host a smaller event separate from your Ex.  Be sure to keep the guest list limited to your side of the family or your friends.  Don't overlap the guest list or try to out-do your Ex on the grandiosity of the event.  A small intimate celebration can sometimes be more enjoyable and can even keep costs down.

5.  Understand that your emotions are normal.  Know that feelings such as regret, resentment, remorse, anger or sadness are all normal emotions for divorced couples.  Those feelings soften over time, but significant milestones for your children are likely to dredge them back up.  Expect them, try to manage them, and maybe have a plan in place in case you become overwhelmed.  Sit near the door for easy exit to get some air or a cold drink.  Pull yourself together and go back in.  It will be over soon enough.

The above tips work just as well for weddings too!  Enjoy the season and these precious milestones!

For more information regarding divorce and family law issues, schedule a consultation.  I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For interesting posts and helpful links, Like my professional Facebook page.

Best,

Stephanie

PARENTAL ALIENATION: SUBTLE AGGRESSION

The term "parental alienation" has been tossed around for years.  In New Jersey however, it is not a formally recognized cause of action.   As recently as 2014 the New Jersey Appellate Division reversed a trial court for basing a custody determination on eight Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) criteria that the trial judge drew from literature and non-expert testimony, rather than from reliable scientific data accepted within the scientific community.  To date, PAS remains a novel concept and is the subject of ongoing controversy.  

Custody in New Jersey is determined by consideration of the statutory factors set forth in N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, which includes factors relating to the parents' ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child; as well as the fitness of each parent.  As such, conduct often considered to be "alienating" could be considered by the Court in relation to these and other factors when making a custody decision

The worst part about parental alienation is its subtlety.  It is rarely obvious, at least at first, and by the time the target parent realizes it is happening, the damage may have already been done.  Alienating conduct can come in many forms and is essentially defined as improperly involving the children in the divorce or custody dispute.  Examples include:

• Telling the children that you give all of your money to the other parent so you can't buy them anything;
• Telling the children to ask their other parent to buy them what they want because you cannot afford it;
• Portraying yourself as a victim in front of your children which causes them to feel they need to protect you from the other parent; or
• Empowering the children to make decisions they should not be making (such as by giving them an apparent choice of whether to visit with mommy or daddy) and then saying you are abiding by their decision.

These actions put the children in an emotional and psychological tug of war between the parents and within themselves to pick a side.  Parents who engage in this behavior are more likely trying to control or hurt the other parent.  But the harm inflicted upon the children should not be underestimated.  Further, while we often consider parental alienation in the context of young children, it can be just as damaging to older, nearly grown children.  

Bottom line... your children have no business being exposed to your divorce woes.    

For more information I can be reached at 609-601-6600 or spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com.  Visit my Facebook page:  www.facebook.com/StephanieAlbrechtPedrick.Esq
 
     

Housekeeping Tips

I write after a lengthy absence.  Please excuse me, for I have been quite busy.  I gave birth to my second child in June 2012, so my summer was pretty hectic.  Just before I returned to work from maternity leave, my father passed away.  I am the Executrix of his Will, so I have my hands full with obligations there too.  These two events, however, have reminded me that I need to do a little housekeeping; i.e., revise my Will.

The importance of a Will cannot be ignored.  But it is just as important to revise a Will when changes in life occur.  I have a Will; but it was prepared long before life became busy.  I prepared it when I got  married, but never revised it when my first son was born.  Now here I am, 4 years later and the mother of 2 children, and I still have not changed the Will, nor named a guardian for my children.   Moreover, I doubt anyone knows where my Will is located.  Quite frankly, I am not even sure I know where it is.  Which brings me to my first point...

Assuming you have a Will, make sure your family knows where it is located.  When my father died, my brother and I spent an entire day searching his house in Florida looking for it.  We finally found it - on a shelf in the kitchen between cookbooks.  That was the last place I thought it would be.  Without the document, I had to make decisions regarding his funeral based on what I thought he would want.  Thankfully, my decisions were in line with his wishes.  The lesson here:  Preparing the Will is pointless if no one can find it.   Prepare the Will, tell your family where it is, and make sure they have key information such as where you do banking and where you keep records for mortgages, assets, etc.

My second housekeeping tip:  revise the Will when changes occur.  Important changes like the birth of a child, death of a beneficiary, etc. warrant a trip to the lawyer's office to make that revision.  When you have minor children, you need to name a guardian.  If you and your spouse die, who will care for your children?  You might think the answer is obvious; that your parents or siblings will step in to help.  Of course they will.  But what if your parents are ailing and simply cannot do it?  Or what if your sibling or in-law thinks they can provide a better home than the other sibling or in-law?  If you did not name a guardian in your Will, there will likely be a court battle.  Do you want to look down from heaven and see your family pushing and pulling your children in different directions?  Take a few minutes and think about it.   If you were not around, who would you most trust to care for your children on a full-time basis?  And further, can that person or persons handle the task?  You need to make that decision and write it down in your Will.  After all, the purpose of a Will is to direct the finalities of your life.  The purpose of naming a Guardian is to determine who will care for your most precious asset - your child.  

For more information, I can be reached at 609-601-6612 or spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com.  Have a good week!

Stephanie Pedrick

Equitable Distribution: What It Means for You and Your Spouse

Clients often ask whether their spouse will "get half" of everything in a divorce.  It seems to be the biggest fear; that everything they have worked for, will be "given" to their spouse upon divorce.  It is hard to answer that question; obviously I do not want to scare or upset my client, but the fact of the matter is, New Jersey is an equitable distribution state.  But what exactly does that mean?

Equitable Distribution is a means of ensuring that each spouse will maintain a similar standard of living after the divorce as they did during the marriage.   When couples marry, most believe in the fairy tale:  "'Til death do us part".  But when the fairy tale ends, the reality of what was promised in the vows, (and what the law in New Jersey mandates), can be upsetting and frustrating, or a huge relief - depending in which role you find yourself.

Bank accounts, houses, land, pensions, retirement plans, life insurance, jewelry, cars, antiques, and anything else of value can be subject to equitable distribution.  There are certain exceptions, the most common of which is an item that was acquired prior to the marriage, but generally, any asset acquired during the marriage, or which actively increased in value during the marriage will be put into the "pool" of resources to be divided.   Bank accounts are easy to value... if the balance is $1,000, each spouse will probably receive $500.  Pensions and retirement accounts are more complex and require the use of an accountant with special expertise in evaluating those types of assets and determining the amount to which the other spouse is entitled.   Typically, each spouse would be entitled to half of the determined value.  If the owner or member of the plan started contributing prior to the marriage, those funds would be excluded; it is only the funds that were added to the account during the marriage that are subject to equitable distribution. 

It is not just assets that get divided; marital debt is also subject to equitable distribution.  Mortgages, loans, and credit card debt are all examples of debt that must be allocated.

There are many ways to settle a divorce.  Parties can agree that one spouse will take responsibility for a certain debt, but also have the benefit of a certain asset.  It is only the most contentious of divorces that result in a trial and a true liquidation of assets to divide down the middle.

For more information, I can be reached at 609-601-6612 or spedrick@youngbloodlegal.com.  Check out my professional Facebook page too!  I look forward to working on your behalf.  Have a great week!

Stephanie Pedrick