Divorced Parents and Teen Drivers - The Car Insurance Conundrum

Its a common issue; you have children, you get divorced, your children grow, and get their driver's license.  Then what?  As a parent, you must figure out how to handle the cost of insuring your newly minted teen driver.  You might be getting child support, but shouldn't your ex contribute extra to this new huge expense?  Recently, a court in Ocean County was called upon to decide whether the cost of car insurance for teenagers was included in the basic child support guidelines.  If it was, then the supporting parent was, arguably, not required to contribute extra to this new cost.  If it was not included, then perhaps the court could determine that the supporting parent would have to kick in a little extra to offset this expense.  I won't bore you with the lengthy technical analysis that the court went through to reach its decision; but here are a few important concepts noted by the court:  

(1)  Reasonable motor vehicle insurance coverage is highly critical to protect a teenage driver's health, safety and welfare; and reasonable coverage is equally significant for protection of the public at large from an inexperienced teenaged driver. 

(2)  Car insurance is mandatory in New Jersey.

(3)  Reasonable coverage for a new driver is practically unaffordable and unattainable by the custodial parent without additional contribution from both parents.

(4)  The cost of insurance is usually sudden and dramatic and can economically destabilize a conservative family budget.  

Based on these comments, it is easy to predict the court's decision; that consideration of these factors may logically constitute good cause for deviation from the basic child support guidelines in order to provide reasonable motor vehicle insurance coverage for protection of the child and the public at large.  In layman's terms, the child support figure can be modified by the Court to account for the expense associated with providing car insurance for a new driver. 

Still, how does one afford this expense?  There are options.  A recent Forbes article, Car Insurance For Divorced Parents of Teen Drivers outlined some of the legal requirements as well as options to consider for potential cost savings.   If you are the parent who pays support, it is prudent to mentally prepare yourself for the reality that your support obligation will likely increase when your child obtains his or her driver's license.  If you are the recipient of support, start shopping around for reasonable coverage and be prepared to address the cost with your ex.  If you cannot reach an agreement, contact an attorney for consideration of a motion to modify support. 

For more information and to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For more interesting posts and links, Like my professional Facebook page.

Best,  Stephanie

Spring Training for Family Law

Family Law issues are rife with emotional highs and lows.  Whether you are in an unsatisfying relationship, need an increase in child support, or are trying to figure out how you and your ex will pay for your children's college expenses; family issues are usually always stressful.  Changes in your everyday routine can exacerbate that stress.  The holiday season is an obvious example of when our routines are shaken up.  But even seemingly innocuous changes in life, like the change in seasons, can cause increased tension.  Here are six tips to help you get through it, and prepare for action.

1.  First of all, make a resolution.  We typically think of New Year’s Resolutions, but the Spring season is a time of new beginnings.  We observe it every year when we begin to hear birds chirping in the morning, or when the crocuses start popping through the soil.   Spring is the start of new sports; our kids put away their football cleats and dig out the lacrosse sticks, and our favorite baseball team starts "spring  training".   So start your own "spring training"; set a goal to get out of a bad relationship or file a motion to modify support.  It can be a very empowering decision.  It can be your New Beginning.  

2.  Start gathering documents.  Your attorney will need bank statements, your last tax return, 3 paystubs from each party and information on utility bills, mortgage or rent payments.  

3.  Determine your goal.  Do you want primary physical custody of your children?  Do you want to remain in the  marital home?  Do you need more child support because you lost a job?  Have a primary goal and a secondary goal. 

4.  Talk it out.  Talk to a friend, clergy member or counselor.   Being able to vent your feelings can help you focus on what you really want.  You must be able to calmly express yourself to your lawyer.

5.  Retain an attorney.  Ask friends for recommendations and then schedule a consultation (or two).  You need to feel comfortable with your lawyer.  The essence of a lawyer/client relationship is trust.  If you feel comfortable with and trust your lawyer, you will more than likely be happy with the end results.

6.  Last but not least, take care of yourself.  Now that the weather is getting nicer, go outside and get some fresh air; get a manicure or have dinner with a friend; play a pick-up game with your buddies or grab a beer after work.  It’s okay to laugh and have fun, even when you’re going through a difficult time.

Take some silent pleasure when you hear those birds in the morning.  Its nature's message to you -- start spring training and be responsible for your own "New Beginning".

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.   For interesting posts and helpful links, "Like" my professional Facebook page. 

Best,

Stephanie

RETIREMENT: AN ALIMONY PAYOR'S LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

As a lawyer, I love "new law".  When the legislature enacts a new statute or law that impacts my practice, it can be fun.  It mixes things up.  If the law never changed or evolved there would be very little to legitimately debate on a daily basis.  New law creates opportunity for people, and it creates new argument for lawyers.  The Alimony Reform Act of 2014 is "new law".  Although the Reform Act is about 17 months old, it is still considered "new", and it created opportunity for retirees to end their alimony obligation.  It also created arguments for lawyers.

Prior to the Alimony Reform Act of 2014, an obligor who desired to retire was nevertheless still obligated to pay spousal support pursuant to the existing Order for support unless he or she could establish, in the eyes of the Court, that the advantage to the retiring payor spouse substantially outweighed the disadvantage to the payee.  Many obligors felt trapped in an obligation such that they could never fully retire or slow down to enjoy the sunset of their lives.  The Alimony Reform Act, approved on September 10, 2014, sought to provide relief for retirees strapped with a permanent alimony obligation.  The Reform Act, which amended the existing statute, N.J.S.A. 2A:34-23, added an entirely new subsection devoted to retirement. 

N.J.S.A. 2A:34-23 (j)(1) states that there shall be a rebuttable presumption that alimony shall terminate upon the obligor spouse or partner attaining full retirement  age.  "Full retirement age” is defined by the Social Security Administration and depends upon the year of one’s birth.  Currently, for obligors who were born in 1960 or later, full retirement age is defined as age 67.  This rebuttable presumption only applies to divorces that take place after the effective date of the Act.  Importantly, notice that the presumption of termination can be overcome.  The statute and its new subsection (j)(1) sets forth several factors that an obligee (the spouse who receives the alimony payment) can argue for a continuation of alimony despite the payor's retirement.  The new subsection of the statute, at (j)(2) also addresses the situation when a payor desires to retire "early"; as in, prior to their defined full retirement age.  That analysis requires the Court to evaluate a different set of factors.

But what about situations where the alimony award was entered prior to the effective date of the Act?   (In other words, all of the divorces granted before September 10, 2014)   The Reform Act sought to address that issue too and set forth yet another list of factors that a court must consider under subsection (j)(3).  

As lawyers, we thought we understood it.  Even though there was no caselaw yet interpreting the statute, the language of the new subsection (j) seemed clear.  But in November 2015, the New Jersey Appellate Division decided a case that left family lawyers scratching our heads in puzzlement.  The results of that case caused confusion as to which part of the statue applied in retirement cases.  It was (and is) a big deal because there are different standards and burdens of proof depending upon which part of the statute is applicable in a given circumstance.   Yesterday, February 22, 2016, we received clarity.  The Appellate Division decided another case and specifically delineated which part of a statute applies. 

The bottom line is this:  if you pay alimony and want to retire and terminate your support obligation, you can.  There is a way out.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You just need to  make the right argument to the Court.  A good lawyer, knowledgeable on the law and its new developments, will know which factors of the statute apply to your case and will make an effective argument on your behalf.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For daily posts with interesting articles and links, "Like" my professional Facebook page.

Have a great day,

Stephanie

 

Getting a Divorce?... Act Like A Celebrity.

Going through a divorce is difficult for many reasons.  Managing the drama, rumors and nosiness of practical strangers is probably the least planned-for problem you will encounter.  When people hear that their friend or neighbor is getting a divorce, rumors immediately start flying.  Maybe it was financial problems, maybe he was a gambler, or she was a drinker, drugs, infidelity; you name it, people will speculate about it.  Regardless, it is none of their business.  Your family will want to know the nitty gritty too.  And most of the time, its none of their business either.

How do you handle these questions?  How do you manage the rumors?  How do celebrities do it?  Simple; they issue a publicity statement.   I know, it sounds so formal and unnecessary.  After all, you're just a regular couple living in a regular town with regular cars, kids and regular stuff.   But the attention you might start to receive after word of your divorce gets out, is, in a small scale form, "publicity". 

What Is A Divorce Publicity Statement?

A divorce publicity statement is a short and concise statement that you and your spouse agree to make either in advance of your announcement of divorce, or any time someone asks a question.  It could be as simple as:

"After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce."  - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

You could also say something like "I (we) know everyone is concerned, but we would prefer to keep things private and quietly move forward."

People will get the hint.  True, some people will still talk behind your back, or gossip at the mailbox, but they probably won't bother you about it and eventually another, more juicy, story will surface and those gossip mongers will move on.

What If You And Your Spouse Don't Agree on a Publicity Statement?

It is entirely possible that you and your spouse will not agree on a divorce statement.  Considering you are getting divorced, the likelihood of agreement on this issue is small.   But you can still have a divorce statement prepared for when those nosy friends and relatives start asking you questions.  By doing so, you are taking control of your own situation and managing the chaos. 

If your spouse starts saying things about you or your divorce that you disagree with, your divorce statement could be something like this:  "I am sure you know that  not everything you hear is true.  I have decided not to discuss my divorce.  My truth is known to me and that is enough."

No one can force you to be drawn into a dialog about your personal issues.  Take control and have a statement prepared.  You might feel awkward saying it at first, but the more you say it, the more confident you will feel.

For more information about divorce, family law or guardianship issues, schedule a consultation.  I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For informative posts and interesting links, "Like" and Share my professional Facebook page.

Best,

Stephanie

 

Why Lawyers Cringe At The "F" Word In Divorce.

Oh, that word.  That horrible, caustic, offensive word.  Fair.  I cringe just writing it.   Very few things in life are fair.  Our loved ones die, its not fair.  Kids fight over toys, its not fair.  And, your ex will get overnight parenting time or part of your retirement account; is it fair? 

In the legal system, we aim for objective justice.  You know the saying, "Justice is blind".  Justice must be blind.  If decisions were based on subjective feelings, they would be unavoidably slanted or biased.   So yes, most times, justice is blind.  But inevitably one party to a dispute will always feel that the result was not "fair".  Let's face it, unless you get everything you want, you lose at least partially.

As a family lawyer, one of the hardest parts of my job is managing client expectations.  When a client comes to me with an expectation or hope that I know is unrealistic, I gently but firmly help them understand that the court will seek justice, and if one party gets everything, (except in rare cases) it would be unjust, and hence "unfair".  

Most judges who sit in family division will tell litigants that it is in their best interest to settle their dispute.  A settlement is a compromise, and that means you give something up.  In other words, you let the other side win a little bit.   If you do this, you are in control.  If you let the court decide the case, you are not in control, and you might end up losing more than you were willing to give up in the first place.  Or, you might end up with a result that would be entirely different, and less desirable, than if you had taken an emotional step back and compromised for the sake of settlement.  And when you make those choices yourself, you are more likely to feel that you got a "fair" result.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that you give up the fight and throw in the towel.  That would certainly not seem fair, nor would justice be served.  I am merely pointing out that what feels fair to you, will feel unfair to someone else, and that my friends, is called justice.

Do yourself a favor, hire a lawyer.  Lawyers are emotionally uninvolved in your dispute.  We can see things more objectively than you.  Not only do we know the law, but we can help you navigate the "fairness" bell curve and serve as a buffer between you and your soon-to-be-ex, which will hopefully bring a resolution that you will feel is.....Fair.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For informative posts and interesting links, "Like"my Facebook page.

Best,

Stephanie 

How To Smile Through The Holidays After Divorce

The Internet is flooded with articles and suggestions for how to survive the holidays after a divorce.  Most of them focus on how to help your children get through the holidays and adapt to two households instead of one.  Very few address the truly single person.  Adults experience sadness or even identity crises following divorce, especially around the holidays.  So  with Thanksgiving less than two days away, I offer my own tips for the newly minted single you.

1.  Pretend you are 20 years old.  Sleep in late, read that book you never have time to read, watch Planes, Trains & Automobiles or Home Alone.  No one can get through those movies without laughing at least once.  

2.  Take someone up on their invitation.  You have probably received at least one invitation to come for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Accept.  The distractions of chatting with new people or enjoying the company of people you have no ties to might be an easy mental break.

3.  Stay off the Internet.  For one day.  Resist the urge to check Facebook or email,   It will likely be filled with everyone's seemingly fun and happy pictures or greetings.  But to someone going through their first holiday after a divorce, it can be depressing to think that the rest of the world is happy and fabulous.  Although, the reality is its probably not true.  Facebook is filled with the illusion of perfection and constant happiness.  In the real world people are grumpy, tired and frustrated too.  Just stay off the Internet for one day.

4.  Indulge, but don't overdo it.  Have that piece of pumpkin pie or that second glass of wine.  But keep your wits about you.  Intoxication can lead to exaggerated emotions or impulsive and possibly dangerous behavior.  

5.  Go shopping.  Even if you're the type who believes the stores should stay closed on Thanksgiving, take advantage of the fact that you have no one to report to but yourself.  No one will care if you skip the Turkey in favor of Target.  

Of course, I am not a psychologist or counselor.  I am merely an attorney.  The above tips come from my years of experience in hearing my clients' stories, plus a dash of my own personal touch.   

Keep smiling, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Best,

Stephanie

Code of the Ring: Who Keeps The Engagement Ring?

Its a centuries old question, the answer to which has evolved over time:  Who gets to keep an engagement ring if the engagement is broken? 

First, a mini history lesson: In ancient Rome the rule on the issue was fault based.  When the woman broke the engagement, she was required to return both the ring and its value as a penalty.  No penalty would attach if the man broke the engagement.  In ancient England, women were oppressed by the rigid social order of the day.  They worked as servants, or if not of the servant class, they were dependent on their relatives.  Men were in short supply and marriage above one's "station" or social class was rare.  Most often, marriages were arranged.  Women either married or became nuns.  Because men were much more likely to break an engagement and leave the woman behind with a tainted reputation and ruined prospects, the woman was permitted to keep the ring as a sort of consolation prize.  If the man was jilted, rare though it was, he was entitled to keep the ring.

As the law developed in modern culture, different theories emerged.  Many states in our country retained the fault based theory, but eliminated the "value penalty"; if the woman broke the engagement, she must return the ring; if the break up was the fault of the man, the woman kept the ring.  A few states, including New Jersey, take a minority view; that is, an engagement ring is a symbol or pledge of the coming marriage and signifies that the one who wears it is engaged to marry the man who gave it to her.  If the engagement is broken, the ring must be returned since it was a conditional gift.  The law implies a condition because of the symbolic significance of the ring.  It does not matter who broke the engagement.  The reality is, the gift was conditional (that a marriage would follow) and when the condition is not fulfilled, the symbolic gift should be returned.

But what happens when the parties do marry, but decide to divorce one, two or twenty years later?  That's an easy answer: the ring was a conditional gift and the condition was fulfilled when the marriage took place.  The woman keeps the ring.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  Visit and Like my professional Facebook page for informative posts related to family law and guardianships.  Like and Share!

Best,

Stephanie