Getting a Divorce?... Act Like A Celebrity.

Going through a divorce is difficult for many reasons.  Managing the drama, rumors and nosiness of practical strangers is probably the least planned-for problem you will encounter.  When people hear that their friend or neighbor is getting a divorce, rumors immediately start flying.  Maybe it was financial problems, maybe he was a gambler, or she was a drinker, drugs, infidelity; you name it, people will speculate about it.  Regardless, it is none of their business.  Your family will want to know the nitty gritty too.  And most of the time, its none of their business either.

How do you handle these questions?  How do you manage the rumors?  How do celebrities do it?  Simple; they issue a publicity statement.   I know, it sounds so formal and unnecessary.  After all, you're just a regular couple living in a regular town with regular cars, kids and regular stuff.   But the attention you might start to receive after word of your divorce gets out, is, in a small scale form, "publicity". 

What Is A Divorce Publicity Statement?

A divorce publicity statement is a short and concise statement that you and your spouse agree to make either in advance of your announcement of divorce, or any time someone asks a question.  It could be as simple as:

"After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce."  - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

You could also say something like "I (we) know everyone is concerned, but we would prefer to keep things private and quietly move forward."

People will get the hint.  True, some people will still talk behind your back, or gossip at the mailbox, but they probably won't bother you about it and eventually another, more juicy, story will surface and those gossip mongers will move on.

What If You And Your Spouse Don't Agree on a Publicity Statement?

It is entirely possible that you and your spouse will not agree on a divorce statement.  Considering you are getting divorced, the likelihood of agreement on this issue is small.   But you can still have a divorce statement prepared for when those nosy friends and relatives start asking you questions.  By doing so, you are taking control of your own situation and managing the chaos. 

If your spouse starts saying things about you or your divorce that you disagree with, your divorce statement could be something like this:  "I am sure you know that  not everything you hear is true.  I have decided not to discuss my divorce.  My truth is known to me and that is enough."

No one can force you to be drawn into a dialog about your personal issues.  Take control and have a statement prepared.  You might feel awkward saying it at first, but the more you say it, the more confident you will feel.

For more information about divorce, family law or guardianship issues, schedule a consultation.  I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For informative posts and interesting links, "Like" and Share my professional Facebook page.

Best,

Stephanie

 

Why Lawyers Cringe At The "F" Word In Divorce.

Oh, that word.  That horrible, caustic, offensive word.  Fair.  I cringe just writing it.   Very few things in life are fair.  Our loved ones die, its not fair.  Kids fight over toys, its not fair.  And, your ex will get overnight parenting time or part of your retirement account; is it fair? 

In the legal system, we aim for objective justice.  You know the saying, "Justice is blind".  Justice must be blind.  If decisions were based on subjective feelings, they would be unavoidably slanted or biased.   So yes, most times, justice is blind.  But inevitably one party to a dispute will always feel that the result was not "fair".  Let's face it, unless you get everything you want, you lose at least partially.

As a family lawyer, one of the hardest parts of my job is managing client expectations.  When a client comes to me with an expectation or hope that I know is unrealistic, I gently but firmly help them understand that the court will seek justice, and if one party gets everything, (except in rare cases) it would be unjust, and hence "unfair".  

Most judges who sit in family division will tell litigants that it is in their best interest to settle their dispute.  A settlement is a compromise, and that means you give something up.  In other words, you let the other side win a little bit.   If you do this, you are in control.  If you let the court decide the case, you are not in control, and you might end up losing more than you were willing to give up in the first place.  Or, you might end up with a result that would be entirely different, and less desirable, than if you had taken an emotional step back and compromised for the sake of settlement.  And when you make those choices yourself, you are more likely to feel that you got a "fair" result.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that you give up the fight and throw in the towel.  That would certainly not seem fair, nor would justice be served.  I am merely pointing out that what feels fair to you, will feel unfair to someone else, and that my friends, is called justice.

Do yourself a favor, hire a lawyer.  Lawyers are emotionally uninvolved in your dispute.  We can see things more objectively than you.  Not only do we know the law, but we can help you navigate the "fairness" bell curve and serve as a buffer between you and your soon-to-be-ex, which will hopefully bring a resolution that you will feel is.....Fair.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For informative posts and interesting links, "Like"my Facebook page.

Best,

Stephanie