Why Lawyers Cringe At The "F" Word In Divorce.

Oh, that word.  That horrible, caustic, offensive word.  Fair.  I cringe just writing it.   Very few things in life are fair.  Our loved ones die, its not fair.  Kids fight over toys, its not fair.  And, your ex will get overnight parenting time or part of your retirement account; is it fair? 

In the legal system, we aim for objective justice.  You know the saying, "Justice is blind".  Justice must be blind.  If decisions were based on subjective feelings, they would be unavoidably slanted or biased.   So yes, most times, justice is blind.  But inevitably one party to a dispute will always feel that the result was not "fair".  Let's face it, unless you get everything you want, you lose at least partially.

As a family lawyer, one of the hardest parts of my job is managing client expectations.  When a client comes to me with an expectation or hope that I know is unrealistic, I gently but firmly help them understand that the court will seek justice, and if one party gets everything, (except in rare cases) it would be unjust, and hence "unfair".  

Most judges who sit in family division will tell litigants that it is in their best interest to settle their dispute.  A settlement is a compromise, and that means you give something up.  In other words, you let the other side win a little bit.   If you do this, you are in control.  If you let the court decide the case, you are not in control, and you might end up losing more than you were willing to give up in the first place.  Or, you might end up with a result that would be entirely different, and less desirable, than if you had taken an emotional step back and compromised for the sake of settlement.  And when you make those choices yourself, you are more likely to feel that you got a "fair" result.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that you give up the fight and throw in the towel.  That would certainly not seem fair, nor would justice be served.  I am merely pointing out that what feels fair to you, will feel unfair to someone else, and that my friends, is called justice.

Do yourself a favor, hire a lawyer.  Lawyers are emotionally uninvolved in your dispute.  We can see things more objectively than you.  Not only do we know the law, but we can help you navigate the "fairness" bell curve and serve as a buffer between you and your soon-to-be-ex, which will hopefully bring a resolution that you will feel is.....Fair.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, I can be reached at 609-601-6600.  For informative posts and interesting links, "Like"my Facebook page.

Best,

Stephanie